Hashtag STOP

I have lots of crazy and very vivid dreams. Sometimes I wake up and just think to myself, “…what…?” I had one such dream last night. In this dream, I was scrolling through Instagram while at a zoo of some sort. No idea. Anyway, I came to a post by my friend Justin, and in it he talked about the great value of getting married and THEN having children. One of my friends who was in my class at school from k-5 on, Brittany Molina Baker (lovingly referred to as B-Mo or Beams), commented on it telling Justin that that wasn’t the case for everyone, and that he should keep his opinions to himself. I invited myself into the conversation and what followed was a serious social media fight. I woke up this morning seriously thinking it was real, and I immediately checked all over Insta to find the thread and apologize like my life depended on it.

Social media is a part of life by now. It seems like almost everyone has a presence on social media. With my mom being the exception. But it’s huge. This stat from October of 2013 claims that Facebook has over a billion monthly users. Instagram has 75 million users. And rounding out the Big 3 is Twitter, with around 750 million users. Y’all. That’s a whole heck of a lot of people using the Facebook and tweeting on the Twitter.

With that many people putting their thoughts out there all day, every day, Murphy’s Law is bound to be proven true many, many, MANY times. I have taken some time to list just a few of the social media mistakes we commit way too often.

1.) Oversharing
This one is WAY TOO commonplace! My friend Erin has aptly dubbed us the “TMI Generation”. I like it. There are some serious over-sharers out there. Some advice: when you start to write that status about your various illnesses or ailments or that weird thing that’s happening to your hairline, reconsider. Instead, might I suggest a funny observation about the guy in your neighborhood whose running shorts are much too short?

Now for this one I need to tell you to slow your roll. Yes. I am single. No. I’m not a Negative Nancy blasting on your glorious, world-shattering love. I’m telling you that even other people who are in relationships come to a point where they want to slash their device with a Samurai sword every time they see a #bae. Just sayin’. Just sayin’.

3.) So today while changing my kid’s diaper…
OK, stick with me. Children are so incredible. I love them. I want a dozen of them. But what I do not want is to see a picture of pants smeared with any sort of bodily fluid lamenting “Just a day in the life of mommy!” WE GET IT. Kids go number 2 and vom and snot everywhere. When they get sick, they basically turn into liquid factories with output from at least 3 orifices. This does not mean that you should post a status detailing color, texture, viscosity, and pH.

4.) Forever alone
Listen. I know. Love is a battlefield and whatnot. But there’s no group dancing in a dive bar. And no sassy matching head scarves. (See the “Love is a Battlefield” music video.) Just because you are tragically single (And really, it’s not that tragic. Let’s get over it.) does not give you a pass to post statuses, nay, NARRATIVES about how you’ve given up on love. Focus on the positive! Life is cool.

5.) But first, lemme take a…
…Moment to tell you how much I don’t understand unironic selfies. Positive body image is GREAT, but SO. MANY. SELFIES.

What are some of YOUR social media pet peeves. Comment on Facebook if I’ve left anything out!

Also, let me leave you with this adorable video of a lion cub scaring his dog friend.



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